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Joke of the Day

"What do you say when you fart on an elevator? Did you hear that asshole talking shit behind my back?"

"How does the pedophile like his music? Just like his dick - in a minor."

"I went shopping . . . I went to the supermarket to get some groceries. When I got to the dairy section, they only had one piece of cheese left. It was provolone."

"*bride and groom kiss* minister: wow im like right here"

"Today is my birthday... and I'm Jewish."

"I knew someone who died in a skydiving accident. Their funeral wreath was in the shape of a parachute. After all, that's what they would've wanted."

"At the cinema. ME: Two tickets please! CASHIER: For the Hobbit? ME: How dare you sir, she's my date."

"My mate sold me a guitar for 5... No strings attached"

"Why was the snow yellow? Elsa let it go!"

"What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants? A dire rhetoric."