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Joke of the Day

"I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs."

"Took a screenshot with my iPhone with the intention of texting a picture of my cracked screen.So the answer is no I didn't graduate college."

"My silent frog died... After a noiseless life and a drawn out death, the little guy finally croaked."

"*buys roofies, slips then into girlfriends drink, plays video games for 8 hours straight in peace and quiet*"

"The doctor had to remove my fungal infection. It's a shame. It was really starting to grow on me."

"What's an alcoholic's favorite novel? Tequila Mockingbird I made this up just now... I'm so excited about it."

"Pathan Joke *original joke translated into english* Pathan: I want to get married Dad: With who? Pathan: Grandmother *Dad turns angry* Pathan: You married my mother, that's why I want revenge."

"I like that Linkin Park song where the guy suddenly screams."

"The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the ""I'm sick"" voice."

"My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else."