210503

Joke of the Day

"The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have."

"Studies show... Studies show that intelligent people swear more than stupid motherfuckers."

"How do you make a 4D printer? Just take a 3D printer and give it some time."

"For eggplant your guests will love, lightly brush with olive oil, toss in the air and blast that bad boy with your ankle piece."

"My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive."

"Why did the Mexican throw his wife into the river? Tequila"

"If you think Lord of the Flies couldn't happen, you've clearly never seen a group of 7 year olds go after a pinata."

"Gays are fucking assholes."

"Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."

"What do you call the yellow ones? -Yellow labs. And the black ones? -Black labs. So the brown ones are- -No we named those after dog poison."