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Joke of the Day

"Bear: *lowers sunglasses. Is it *beary* serious? Cops:...Ok that's funny but but you mauled a child so yes. You have to go back to the zoo."

"Siri, where did I go wrong? Siri: How long you got?"

"I walked into a bar tonight carrying some jumper cables... Bartender told me not to start any shit in here!"

"Why is mild cheddar even a thing? Who are these people who can't handle sharp cheddar & why are they allowed to influence the cheese market?"

"How did they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders on the beach"

"If a mentally challenged person shows up late Is it ok to call him tardy?"

"If your problem can be solved by: Naps Cake Drugs Alcohol or Murder Then you don't really have a problem."

"Recent studies have shown that 63% of women have used vibrators. The other 37% have brand new ones."

"Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross? A: So it could become a first-aid kit."

"A curious tradition -- to look at a newborn baby and say to yourself, ""Because of your DNA, one day you will rule over me."""