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Joke of the Day

"I walked into a bar tonight carrying some jumper cables... Bartender told me not to start any shit in here!"

"""No, there's no way!"" I totally could ""No you couldn't!"" *slams the rest of his beer* I can and I will -the first guy to ride an ostrich"

"Lawyers aren't all bad.. 98% of lawyers make the other 2% look bad"

"Happy New year America! from your friend Australia. Don't worry I expect it'll take about 18 or so hours for you to get this."

"What does Batman like in his lemonade? Just ice."

"Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic."

"Anonymous gets Alzheimer's They sign off: We are Anonymous, we are a legion, we do not forgive, we do not...."

"Did you hear about the mooning emoji? Its colon was showing"

"I was surprised to read that an African doctor treating Ebola patients had died from the disease. Surely he could have stayed a safe distance from the patient while he danced and waved his magic bone."

"The homeless problem would be solved if. . . . . the Big Issue had tits in it."