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Joke of the Day

"An original joke about Mathew and Not-Mathew. Me:Mathew and Not-Mathew were on a boat. Mathew fell off the boat. Who was left? You:Not-Mathew. Me:Yeah Mathew was the one who fell out. Idiot."

"Real men don't run from problems, they fix them. Unless it's really scary"

"What does Santa and Hackers have in common? They both steal cookies ;)"

"[trying to talk to girl] Ha so you from around here? ""Ya"" Cool me too. I love planet earth"

"Did you hear about the woman who had to quit her job as an air traffic controller to date a monk? She got out of the flying plans and into the friar."

"The Teen Choice Awards air tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren't allowed to vote."

"What happens when geese land in a volcano ? They cook their own gooses !"

"Do you know how Rihanna can tell when Chris has been cheating on her? He has someone else's lipstick on his knuckles."

"I'm hot blooded, check it & see/ I got a fever of 103/ why's everyone on the bus screaming/ maybe I shoulda wiped off the rectal thermometer"

"Why did the Tumblr killed the Reddit fan? Because Reddit SUCKS."