49535

Joke of the Day

"Do you know how Rihanna can tell when Chris has been cheating on her? He has someone else's lipstick on his knuckles."

"(Offensive) Old enough to count... Old enough to mount ;)"

"ME: I'm gonna plug my Twitter handle. WIFE: Please don't. ME: I'm gonna do it *walks to the microphone in front of the funeral*"

"What's the opposite of 4chan? 4chad"

"Why can't Jamaicans count to 10? Because there's a *tree* in the way!"

"For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."

"I love how we all talk about The Last Supper painting & nobody mentions that all 13 of those guys were sitting on the same side of the booth"

"I sent the guy on the couch to the store for bread. I'll get 6 texts and a phone call and he'll come back with peaches."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my foot up your ass."

"Mastercard Chinese Resturant Commercial General Tso's Chicken........ $11.50 Coca-Cola........ $1.99 Take out guy forgets container........ Riceless"