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Joke of the Day

"Do you know how Rihanna can tell when Chris has been cheating on her? He has someone else's lipstick on his knuckles."

"Last night, I was sitting next to a hot girl at the bar... ...and all I could think was, ""Don't get an erection, don't get an erection, don't get an erection..."" But she did."

"My friend was going to Ethiopia, so I asked him ""Have you ever had Ethiopian food?"" ""No, sadly"" ""That's ok, neither have they"""

"What do you call a pretentious mime? A dick in a box."

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Stab in and thrust up."

"What if they make a movie about Leo's life and how he couldn't win an Oscar, and the dude who plays Leo wins an Oscar...AWKWARD!"

"Anytime I'm watching something on tv my wife starts talking to me as if her words are going to expire if she doesn't use them."

"I was so thankful.... I couldn't thank my friend enough for getting me into fight club. ""Don't mention it!"", he said."

"Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball? Because Africa isn't a country."

"Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children's bicycle, you're probably in a bad neighborhood."