210383

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Hitler and Usain bolt? Usain bolt can finish a race."

"Somewhere there's a sheep named LL Wool J. & that's what keeps me going you guys."

"I just found out that people can still read words when they're in parentheses and holy shit do I have a bunch of apologies to write."

"[couples therapy] HER: His obsession with Star Wars is tearing us apart ME: *covering my Yoda doll's ears* Hear you he can, Karen"

"On our first date, i'll carve our initials onto a tree. Because it's the most romantic way to let you know that I have a knife"

"""Give it to me,""She begged. ""I'm so wet! Give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."

"Did some stand up at a bird sanctuary... They were eating out of the palm of my hands."

"Did you hear about the 2 men who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months."

"Rhonda Rousey is starring in a remake of Roadhouse. Now I won't feel weird jerking off to that movie."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh"