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Joke of the Day

"On our first date, i'll carve our initials onto a tree. Because it's the most romantic way to let you know that I have a knife"

"What does a cannibal without a kitchen eat? Raw men"

"What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Halloumi"

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm a rubber band Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch there and tell me all about it!"

"So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke."

"A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender, ""What do you have on tap?"" He replies, ""Anheuser-Busch"" She says, ""Just fine. How's your penis?"""

"My Utahn grandpa's favorite joke: why should you always bring two Mormons with you when you go fishing? Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer."

"I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together... Yep...I shit you knot!"

"What did the mouth say to the nose? Nothing; mouths can't ta... oh, wait..."

"The thing about.... What's the hardest thing about being a being a pedophile nowadays? Too many damn sexy 9 year olds."