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Joke of the Day
"How do you ruin a joke? Screw it up. How do you ruin a joke? Screw it up again."
Next Joke
"""Oh no. This sucks. I'm gonna put it in a movie."" - hundreds of directors while watching 9/11, apparently"
"Hillary Clinton has been frequenting a new restaurant, reports say. I guess the main appeal of it is her own private server."
"Watching too much porn gave me unrealistic expectations of sex I really thought it would happen"
"How many? How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? None - it's probably screwed it too tight anyhow!"
"I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!"
"Dear Britain, This Brexit vote is all wrong If you want to leave the EU, dump some tea in the harbor and fight a war. Sincerely, America"
"An ironic joke walks into a bar, orders a beer, and sits down Bartender says hey! We're straight talkers here... no irony allowed. Ironic joke says well that's fine then, because I just want a beer."
"All things in moderation. Unless no one's looking."
"Bumper sticker: We got rid of the kids, the cat was allergic..."