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Joke of the Day

"How many? How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? None - it's probably screwed it too tight anyhow!"

"How will the whales ever evolve if we keep pushing them back in the water?"

"Why did the girl put her bed in the fireplace? Because she wanted to sleep like a log."

"My mother is in the hospital... She's a nurse."

"The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low."

"I was only mildly famous in the '90s but vaccinate your kids"

"What is the national bird of Afghanistan? The Boeing 757"

"What do you call a broken fisherman's calculator. Something fishy that doesn't quite add up."

"what's the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years the job still sucks."

"I bring giant stuffed animals into carnivals so when I walk around people will think that I am good at something."