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Joke of the Day

"A termite walks into a bar... He waits and waits and nobody appears. He turns to a termite next to him and asks him, ""Hey, is the bar tender here?"". The second termite says, ""Yeah. It's okay""."

"Of all the kisses I've gotten in my life. That is the first."

"I cooked for my fiancee's parents for the first time As I handed out the rarely cooked steak Harry (her father) said, ""I like it well done."" I said, ""Thanks, that means a lot."""

"Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated... Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges."

"You remind me of my pinkie toe because I know I'm eventually going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my place."

"I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes"

"Hillary is like the George Washington of 2016. She cannot tell a lie."

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton run for president. Who loses? America."

"""Dude, you're getting a Dell!"" - Me pulling my spoiled unruly son out of the Apple Store"

"Why doesn't Jesus play hockey anymore? He kept on getting nailed into the boards."