21016

Joke of the Day

"I'm fairly tall so folks are always asking me ""Do you play basketball?"" My standard reply: ""No, do you play miniature golf?"""

"I used the toilet just after my wife and noticed that her shit really does smell of roses. Hardly surprising. She's polished off four tins of the fuckers in the last two days"

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Lego man: Is it because I'm block?"

"Why did the Hipster order piping hot soup? He wanted to eat it before it was cool."

"Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition."

"Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert? They found traces of Mercury in him."

"Knock Knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? Yes"

"I've set my phone to airplane mode to add more realism to the nausea and turbulence I experience at work."

"I was in bed with a blind girl last night... and she says ""wow your really well hung"" to which I respond ""you're pulling my leg"""

"What so you call an Asian jew? Jew Lee"