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Joke of the Day

"I used the toilet just after my wife and noticed that her shit really does smell of roses. Hardly surprising. She's polished off four tins of the fuckers in the last two days"

"As soon as you take a single slice of pizza... ...there's no longer enough to go around."

"3 1/2 Inches is the avg size a woman needs to be happy. MasterCard, Visa, American Express, ect..."

"When they ask me in a job interview what my greatest weakness is, I always say that I can't open my eyes under water"

"My girlfriend said if this gets 200 votes, we'll try anal. Just kidding, I don't even have a girlfriend."

"You know the 'Done' button you press to exit a video? How come it only sounds judgy and sarcastic after I've finished jacking off?"

"A blind man walks into a bar... and he falls down and asks for help."

"As I get older I realize my penis is like Jesus. It takes 3 days to reserect after a good beating."

"Q: What does a computer eat when it's hungry? A: Chips -- one byte at a time."

"If you're the guard at a Samsung store ... Does that make you the guardian of the galaxy?"