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Joke of the Day

"I've set my phone to airplane mode to add more realism to the nausea and turbulence I experience at work."

"if you collect ladies of the night [nsfw] does that make you a whorder"

"You guys hear about the pepper shaker that was attacked by the salt shaker? Apparently the salt shaker was arrested and charged with aggravated as-*salt*"

"Accidentally got melted butter on some fried chicken and this is my delicious origin story."

"Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them."

"Sometimes I crash parties in a swimsuit, and tell people I'm a Reverse Lifeguard keeping an eye on the land."

"Q: What kind of limes open doors? A: Key limes."

"A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night... ... and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, ""Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"""

"Someone talking about something passionately automatically makes them 10 times cuter, unless it's Hitler... Then it's only nein times cuter"

"Im going to make a joke about Polish people They're shiny"