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Joke of the Day

"teaching my 1yo daughter to shout ""Mike Wazowski!"" every time someone opens a closet door"

"I dated a guy so arrogant he walked into a post while looking at his reflection in a store window. I left him. Unconscious on the street."

"Fishes. What does a fish say when it hits a concrete wall?"

"The Real Iron Man (Chemistry Joke) My dad and I were talking and figured out who the real Iron Man is. Ferrous Bueller"

"At some point, a guy looked at an onion that was clearly purple & called it red. AND WE'RE JUST SITTING HERE LETTING IT HAPPEN."

"Got up at 6:30am today. Did some yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything."

"It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. I've learned to hate fun because I want a super buff face."

"As I pulled back the ring-pull on my 5th can of beer, I heard ""Hello."" I thought to myself, ""It must be the drink talking."""

"Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison? A: Shoot one."

"Call me maybe by Carly Rae Jepson is possibly the catchiest song I've ever heard lol"