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Joke of the Day

"I dated a guy so arrogant he walked into a post while looking at his reflection in a store window. I left him. Unconscious on the street."

"Why did Miss Piggy call in sick to work? Because she had a frog in her throat."

"iPhone, if you correct ""harass"" to ""caress"" one more time you'll be held responsible for this generation's sex offenders."

"Why can't women be botanists? Because they'll break the glass ceiling."

"Did you hear about the guy who tried to drown his wife with cough syrup before finally strangling her to death? He was jailed for pre-medicated murder."

"I'm in such a weird place in my life right now. Literally. This shop only sells Owls and Mayonnaise."

"How do you make an octopus laugh? By giving it ten tickles *badumts*"

"Are you a sword smith? Because you sure know how to make long hard stabbing objects. (Pickup line)"

"RACIST: im a racist! ME: uh oh RACIST: yea I race cars! ME: oh. I dont think u know what racist means RACIST: & I hate Jews! ME: there it is"

"I am forming a new punk band! We are called ""young boys getting sodomised by fat middle aged men"". Search for us on google!"