156657

Joke of the Day

"Got up at 6:30am today. Did some yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything."

"What's the best thing about sleeping with twenty two year old's? There is twenty of them."

"I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York."

"Check-writing-grocery-line lady. No-turn-signal-SUV guy. Recline-seat-into-your-lap man. They're all voting tomorrow. Let's cancel them out."

"What's the fastest car on earth? A rental car."

"An optician fell into his lens grinder... and made a spectacle of himself."

"I don't get people that talk to themselves"

"Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces"

"""Do you know how awkward you are?"" ""Good, you?"""

"Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool ? Because they couldn't hold their trunks up !"