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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""You flunked the labs & the midterm. You need 154% in the final to pass."" Him: ""So there's still a chance?"" Me: ""Let me ask my unicorn."""

"Emmy Awards In the U.S., your program has to win an Emmy. In the U.K., programme already has one."

"What do you call a pachyderm that sings jazz? Elephants Gerald"

"probably the funniest noises you could hear during a funeral would be an actual donkey bray (eeyore noise), or the sound of dial-up internet"

"Charlie Sheen recently came out of the clinic That's what happens when you share tigers with Siegfried and Roy"

"People say Tinder users are perverts... ...but I think it's fantastic! I met my girlfriend of 18 months on there. I've been seeing her for a couple of weeks now and it's going great."

"Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell? because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out"

"What are the 2 sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken, brown cow. (say outloud for full effect)"

"Have you seen the news about the Seamus Costello Celebrity sex tape? It's all about the star he ploughs."

"Doctor Who was still hungry after dinner.... So he went back four seconds."