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Joke of the Day

"Ladies, If you would simply make your Facebook profile pic a bikini shot, it would save me a lot of awkward stalking time."

"My parents are both bisexual, but I never really felt loved or wanted around the house. I guess I am a bit of a by-product."

"What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute."

"M: Come to bed... Her: I have a headache M: You're a robot! H: M: H: ...SELF DESTRUCT [BOOM] M: Nice try but you're still under warranty!"

"What do you call a little polish boat? A Jetski."

"Kayne West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian No punchline needed."

"In American politics, what's important is that you pick one of two equally bad sides and defend it no matter the awful garbage it produces"

"I don't always kill spiders, sometimes I stare at them a short while to see if we can reach an understanding"

"Trying to make a password Me: beefstew Computer: sorry, password not stroganoff"

"Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station on the other side! *bum bum chi*"