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Joke of the Day

"If I don't wake up with Britney Spears' body circa ""I'm a Slave 4 U"" and a rich handsome boyfriend then I KNOW Santa's not real."

"The host of a party said, ""Make yourself at home,"" so I got comfortable. Turns out English was his second language and he was ordering me to leave :("

"Roy Hodgson has some really important decisions to make now. Like if he wants a window or aisle seat."

"I am upset with my parents for making me exist. u just decided to make a person one day? who's gonna pay my bills? me? I didn't ask for this"

"The NYPD only does no-knock jokes."

"A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''"

"It's hard to tweet and change the baby's diaper at the same time.nnI probably should have waited until I got to a red light."

"RIP hacker who was spying on me through my Laptop's camera. Died of boredom"

"[awful tragedy happens] me (rolling up sleeves): time to be an idiot online"

"Where do you usually find dogs? It all depends on where you lose them."