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Joke of the Day

"In American politics, what's important is that you pick one of two equally bad sides and defend it no matter the awful garbage it produces"

"What is similar between Sharks and Humans? The Great ones are always white."

"[pet store] Um hi can I have 4 turtles & 1 rat Clerk: hah trying to make ur own ninja turtles dude Me:*hiding miniature sai and katana* n no"

"They say nothing in life that's worth having comes easily. Guess I'm really lucky to have my wife."

"Houseguests should have a mandatory bedtime."

"Whats worse than having a lobster on yer piano? Having crabs on yer organ!"

"Men mostly hate two words: 'not' and 'enough'... unless you say them together."

"The memory on my phone is FIFA'ed Sorry.....Corrupt."

"Lost dog. Missing: Three-legged dog. Distinguishing feature: Falls over when it pisses."

"I sneezed and my bra unsnapped. I think this cold is trying to seduce me."