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Joke of the Day

"The look on my husbands face while watching a Victoria's Secret commercial tells me exactly where all my catalogs went."

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day. --My amazing girlfriend told me this one"

"Request: Give me your best wedding joke! (jokes with puns are absolutely acceptable)"

"A woman called and said ""I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes."" I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said ""Yeah whatever."""

"Sometimes I like to pet another dog while making eye contact with my dog. Adds just the right amount of tension to our relationship."

"The world has become so politically correct these days... ...that you can't say black paint anymore... You have to say ""Tyrone, please paint my fence."""

"How do you say ""No, I'm full"" in Grandmother?"

"[robbing bank] leader: go in & grab everything you can *i go in to grab loot* Me: (yanking pen chain, increasingly panicked) no no No NO NO-"

"I ate an optimist once... But I couldn't keep him down."

"Pilot: Tower there's a runway light burning. Tower: I'm sure there must be dozens of lights burning. Pilot: Sorry I mean it's smoking."