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Joke of the Day

"Robin: Gee Bruce, how come you get to wear dark concealing colors and I have to wear bright Red, Yellow and Green? Batman: You're the decoy"

"Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia? Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)"

"I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him. His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment."

"[at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy] *raises hand* What if I draw a peanut on her napkin? Wife: Please go wait in the car"

"Do not blow kisses to loved ones. Ghosts intercept them mid-flight and put them on their butts."

"Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the ""P"" is silent"

"Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, ""A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"" The other monster replied, ""Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."""

"Life without internet is like a house without a bathroom... What are you supposed to do? Go outside n' shit?"

"What's the difference between your PC and your Penis? Usually its small, used often and you dont let just ANYONE touch it."

"I'm not sure if I want to move to Sweden... but the flag is a big plus."