209421

Joke of the Day

"TIFU by falling asleep on the john at noon. I meant Job. I fell asleep on the Job. :D :D"

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb You can unscrew a lightbulb."

"Guys I need help. What are the type of numbers you get when you take an integer and add it to itself? I can't even"

"Why did the hipster complain about winter in July? He wanted to do it before it was cool."

"What's the most evil thing a human being can do?"

"If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace... how many bedrooms would your mansion have?"

"I did a theatrical performance on puns... It was a play on words. I'll let myself out."

"How is working in I.T. like being a wizard? You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens."

"Columbus: SO THIS IS INDIA Natives: actually it's no- C: HI INDIANS N: no see, we are nowhere near- C: INDIA IS FUN LETS EAT YOUR FOOD"

"So there I was at my favorite seafood restaurant having dinner, and I told David, my favorite waiter, that TONIGHT I wanted my fish exactly how I like my wife... ...""Battered it is, sir."""