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Joke of the Day

"Guys I need help. What are the type of numbers you get when you take an integer and add it to itself? I can't even"

"I told god a Holocaust joke. He didn't laugh. after a moment of awkward silence, I said: ""Well I guess you should have been there""."

"I'm not making any resolutions this year because I'm still working on the ones from 2003."

"I forgot my coffee this morning so I'm gonna drive on the rumble strips along the side of the road all the way to work just to be safe."

"A feminist once asked me ""What's your view on lesbians?"" I said, ""1080p."""

"What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, they just waved."

"Beggin'Strips: Stop pretending dogs don't know it's not bacon. They smell cocaine in a cooch across an airport; I'm sure they know NOT bacon"

"When in dangerous situation - you should always sleep with one eye opened. Especially if you're a Cyclops."

"When I said ""I'm really good in bed"" I was referring to sleeping. Sorry for the misunderstanding, you can pull your pants up now."

"I thought my wife was happy to fully repair my jeans. Or at least sew its seams."