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Joke of the Day

"So there I was at my favorite seafood restaurant having dinner, and I told David, my favorite waiter, that TONIGHT I wanted my fish exactly how I like my wife... ...""Battered it is, sir."""

"COMMERCIAL: [Woman hangs screaming from a light fitting over a gaping abyss] Narrator: FLOORS"

"So a blind man walked into a bar.. It really hurt"

"How do you know you've been burgled by asians? You come home to find your math homework was done, your computer was upgraded, and they're still trying to back down the driveway."

"What do the Brits say when there's actually blood on something?"

"if money can't buy happiness explain pizza"

"Why is NASCAR so popular in the southern states? Because that's where the most racists are."

"I sometimes feel kinda brave until I see a slightly above average size moth."

"If you and jack were horseback riding Would you help jack off the horse?"

"New phone My sister got an Iphone 5c. I asked if I could C it she said ""No"" so I said SIRI ously"