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Joke of the Day

"My cat and I have lots in common like how we both cry when we're hungry and both put our ass in the air when it's being rubbed."

"I thought I had an std because my eyes started burning every time I had sex. Then I realized it was just the mace."

"Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: Space. The final frontier.........."

"Why is NATO afraid of Russia? Cause Russia's been Putin them on notice. Just thought of this."

"Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles! Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?"

"Why don't you hire a violinist as your babysitter? Because he might fiddle with your kids."

"Life is like a pipette filler It sucks."

"Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf."

"A man pushed his wife off a building... I guess you could say they FELL APART!"

"I tried herbal tea at office today It tastes herbal."