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Joke of the Day

"Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles! Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?"

"My roommate said I might be schizophrenic. But what does he know I don't even have a roommate."

"I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal."

"Last CsGo update"

"What do you get if you cross a frog with a decathlete? Someone who pole-vaults without a pole."

"Who is the president of the United States of America Donald Trump"

"""But... I can fix us!"" the rocket scientist sobbed, as his wife picked up her suitcase. ""Jim,"" she whispered. ""This isn't rocket science."""

"*Reversing my car* Ahh, this takes me back."

"Autocorrect is why I have crust issues."

"I heard that no real accountants were consulted during the filming of the new movie The Accountant. They want the movie to be entertaining."