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Joke of the Day

"How do all races end in the desert? In a cacti!"

"Did you hear about the scientist who accidentally tripped into his cloning machine? He was really beside himself after that one."

"Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff? Tequila..."

"Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child"

"""God is dead"" - Nietzsche ""Nietzsche is dead"" - God ""I'd like to add you to my professional network"" - LinkedIn"

"Amazing how easily that guy scaled Trump Tower. Thank God u can't get suction cups in Mexico cause then wall idea would be really stupid."

"What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and.... ....I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it."

"What do you call a preponderance of the evidence that your drink has been compromised? Probable Cosby"

"ESPIONAGE: teen dresses up as a dad for a PTA meeting ""i think drugs are cool and we should back off"" *snapback falls out of pocket* *gasps*"