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Joke of the Day

"""God is dead"" - Nietzsche ""Nietzsche is dead"" - God ""I'd like to add you to my professional network"" - LinkedIn"

"911 what is your emergency? Me: ""My 6 year old hasn't stopped talking since he got home"" 911: ""stay calm ma.. Me: MY EARS ARE BLEEDING"

"My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her"

"How do you win a superbowl without cheating? I don't know, I'm a Patriots fan"

"How has Gordon Ramsey come to have so many children?? FUCKING RAAAWWWW!!"

"An unemployed engineer opens a clinic... He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently."

"Nana said I took too much NyQuil so I laughed at her and then she turned back into a paper clip and jumped into my fave Law & Order episode."

"Why did I throw my phone out of my window? Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane..."

"I'm reading a book about a duck who questions it's faith in God . . . It's called ""Are you there God, it's me magret de canard"""

"How frustrating would it be if you turned into a zombie before you had a chance to put your dentures in?"