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Joke of the Day

"Amazing how easily that guy scaled Trump Tower. Thank God u can't get suction cups in Mexico cause then wall idea would be really stupid."

"Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old's lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours."

"""You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need."""

"How embarrassing! I tripped and fell out of my clothes."

"DATING TIP: show her your hula hoop skills. keep adding hula hoops. you're now a slinky. everybody loves a slinky."

"At my age getting lucky means having the house to myself"

"Patient: Why did you charge me a group rate? Psychiatrist: You've got multiple personalities."

"I yelled ""STOP EATING CAT TURDS OR IT WILL HURT WHEN YOU POOP!"" & my dog stopped eating, so if you need a motivational speaker contact me"

"What should you do if you find a snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe."

"Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long."