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Joke of the Day

"ESPIONAGE: teen dresses up as a dad for a PTA meeting ""i think drugs are cool and we should back off"" *snapback falls out of pocket* *gasps*"

"Did you hear about that Hollywood actress who got stabbed? Um what's her name? Blonde girl, Reece someone .... ""Witherspoon?"" No, no. It was with a knife."

"A wife asks her husband ""Honey, how many women have you slept with?"" The husband replies, ""Only you sweetie. I was awake for all the other ones """

"The sandwich I ate for lunch reminded me of my dad.. gone."

"Did you hear about the terrorist attack in France last night? The police say the guy was not motivated, but other than that, all they know is that he wasn't very Nice"

"Why don't people give Melania Trump a break... Life is hard enough growing up as a black woman in the USA."

"Oh so Paris Hilton can carry a dog in her purse but if I leave my baby in a suitcase behind the chicken restaurant I'm some kind of monster."

"Why don't blind people bungee jump? Cause it scares the fuck out of the dogs"

"Potatoes are just poor defenseless vodka fetuses. Remeber that the next time you eat a french fry or hash browns, you monsters."

"This day is medieval... Because it's a dragon."