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Joke of the Day

"Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child"

"[hears baby crying in the next room] ""It's ok, I'll go."" [gets in car & goes to a motel]"

"Have you heard the new hipster joke? No? I just got it on vinyl"

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. So is monogamy."

"*cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you"

"Knock knock. Whose there? Doctor. Doctor who? Oh. You watch that show too?"

"How many Sanders supporters does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, they can't change anything."

"A geneticist is having sex... During foreplay, the geneticist's partner kept moaning ""Aug, aug, AUG!"" The geneticist later proclaims, ""I don't know where to start!"""

"With the magic of makeup, I go from tired old hag to tired looking old hag with eyeliner."

"Roses are Red, Violets are blue... ""Gorilla shot at Cincinnati Zoo."""