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Joke of the Day

"Shops. One time I was masturbating to a playboy magazine, girls were hot, the whole 9 years. But when I saw the front page I realized it was an american girl doll magazine."

"Laziness is a dish best served delivered."

"I'll admit it... I'm a horny TV And i'm turned on by remotes..."

"When I was a kid, we had to do emojis with our face."

"Meow What do you call a cat who watches dirty movies? A purrvert."

"You know why I was mad after I had sex with the women I love? Because she woke up"

"A man in tights was found near a rock. What happened? Superman committed suicide."

"we're fucked When u thought that Donald Trump running for president was a joke then realized I don't have enough money saved up to move out of the country."

"I went to the doctors with a lettuce just poking out of my bottom... The doctor asked why I was so concerned. I replied, I think it's just the tip of the iceberg"

"People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille."