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Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctors with a lettuce just poking out of my bottom... The doctor asked why I was so concerned. I replied, I think it's just the tip of the iceberg"

"*opens dating site account* prepare to be dated you pieces of shit"

"Never make plans with an executioner. They always leave you hanging. Or cut your head off or something like that"

"Pistorius.....Sounds like something Harry Potter would say to make your legs fall off."

"I used that classic Liam Neeson line from Taken the other day: ""I will find you and I will kill you."" My grandkids refuse to play hide and seek with me anymore."

"Where do Koalas love to go for a holiday? Koala Lumpur."

"""This does not bode well."" - a guy at the returns desk, explaining why he's returning a boder."

"I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon."

"I need a volunteer to test Stockholm syndrome. Any takers? Edit: This is a dumb joke..."

"Have you ever had ethiopian food? Neither have they"