209097

Joke of the Day

"Why is it called an ""almond"" in the tree but an ""amond"" when it falls to the ground? When it falls to the ground, it knocks the 'ell out of it."

"Office assistant is throwing darts at a picture of her boss. Phone rings. It's the boss. Boss: What are you doing right now? Assistant: Missing you."

"Fun new prank: Walk into a busy restaurant and call out the name of a rare Pokemon."

"This bloke said to me, ""Tim, as a young boy, was your mother very strict with you?"" I said, ""Let me make one thing absolutely clear. My mother was never a young boy."""

"I'm Hungary I'm Russian to the kitchen to czech the fridge There is turkey But it's covered in Greece There's Norway I can eat that. Edit:spelling"

"I've had enough of this shit. I thought to myself as i sat on the toilet for 3 hours."

"That old man reminds me of your puppy... They're both probably going to die within 20 years."

"Native Americans are the most successful strippers. Cause when they dance, they make it rain!"

"My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again."

"Life's too short for 1-ply friends. You need people who can handle your shit."