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Joke of the Day

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i closer together... Because *you* are an *idiot*."

"Have you ever smelled moth balls? Yes? How'd you get their little legs apart? (Courtesy of my dad. Who laughed about this for 30 minutes.)"

"My Doctor says I need to start exercising religiously. So now I hit the gym on Christmas and Easter."

"""I hate hashtags!"" Dad screams as he smashes his #1 Dad coffee mug against a wall."

"My humour is so black... ... it started picking cotton."

"For all the effort I put into faking it, I should really just start writing down the confirmation number at the end of a phone call."

"Wrestling Is Stupid! Bro, Wrestling is stupid. Why bro? Men with no pants fighting for a belt.. WTF?"

"Did you know that 10% of what Trump says is actually true? Neither does he."

"What is the captain of the starship enterprise's favorite drink? Picardi and coke"

"Oppenheimer at the A-Bomb test saying ""Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds"" only me exiting the bathroom after eating Taco Bell."