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Joke of the Day

"If CERN's Large Hadron Collider creates a black hole that destroys earth would that make it a weapon of math destruction?"

"How do you make gold soup? Put 14 carrots in it."

"When I tell my wife I'm gonna have to work late she knows it's code for I was playing with super glue and I'm stuck to my desk again."

"There was a kidnapping in my school today. Thank god he woke up."

"*wears a tuxedo tshirt to interview as a joke* McDonald's Manager: Oh wow, are you from corporate?"

"Why did so many jews die at Auschwitz? Because the exit doors were coin operated."

"I'll stop gnawing the ends off violins when they stop looking like Cinnabons."

"[dropping kids off at school] ME: Ok, learn a lot today KIDS: But school doesn't start for another week ME: *speeding off* GOOD LUCK"

"that awkward feeling. when you are sitting on the toilet and forgot to lock the door and your boss walks in... and your pants are up."

"Google... qrt(cos(x))*cos(300x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(6-x^2), -sqrt(6-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5"