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Joke of the Day

"that awkward feeling. when you are sitting on the toilet and forgot to lock the door and your boss walks in... and your pants are up."

"Before you reply angrily at a tweet, just ask yourself if you'd yell at a retarded kid for screaming irrelevant shit into a megaphone."

"My new bondage equipment really ties the room together."

"If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone."

"I figured out why Bono got in all that tax trouble. He got double U2s."

"What fish is the most valuable? A goldfish."

"What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an Art History degree? The pizza can feed a family of four."

"How many Libertarian Capitalists does it take to change a light bulb? I ain't buyin those fancy *Tek-noh-lo-jikal* Big-Government ones. The free market idn't ready."

"Difference between rain in India and USA is that in USA the water disappears in 5 minutes. In India the road disappears in 5 minutes"

"What do you call a lawyer up to his neck in cement? Not enough cement EDIT: Okay thanks for pointing out that I messed up the wording but the joke is supposed to be the funny part"