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Joke of the Day

"When I tell my wife I'm gonna have to work late she knows it's code for I was playing with super glue and I'm stuck to my desk again."

"When I'm old, I'm gonna giggle uncontrollably, squirm, and go all sack of potatoes on my son when he tries to get me in the car as payback."

"When children ask me where rain comes from, I pat their heads, shimmy up the nearest flag pole, and urinate on them."

"ME: I wonder if it wrestles cutely too? ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the panda enclosure. ME: lol. No. *gets mauled to death by panda*"

"Do you want to hear a bad joke? *my life* Sorry if that was not likeable and miserable, *just like my face* Okay, I am going to stop before it gets too dark and too empty, *just like my soul.*"

"Recent evidence indicates that Earth is indeed bi-polar, as we've always suspected."

"Why was Saint Peter so good at basketball? He denied Jesus 3 times"

"Today's assignment: Walk up to people with a manila envelope and ask them ""Have you seen this person?"" and pull out a picture of yourself"

"What is a Catholic choir boy's favorite song? ""Can't Touch This"""

"""As a student the most comforting words you'll ever hear are "" I haven't started either"""