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Joke of the Day

"""I might be a sex virgin but I'm not a virgin at AWESOME MAGIC TRICKS!"" *trips on cape, knocks over table with punchbowl & cookies*"

"The police break into Abraham Lincolns house... When they find him, he says ""Don't arrest me, I'm in a cent!"""

"""I can't believe after all this shit that they're still together..."" ""Who?"" Said a curious bastard. ""My buttcheeks."""

"Every trip to the supermarket is a game of ""Dodge The Indecisive Old People With My Cart."""

"The guy who stole my personal journal has died... My thoughts are with his family."

"Not sure why me wife is only mad at me. My 4 year old forgot her birthday too."

"Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide."

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken. -not an original, just wanted to share."

"My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn't invite anybody I could eat all the snacks."

"Why did America remove the ""u"" from color? Because fuck u that's why"