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Joke of the Day

"""I can't believe after all this shit that they're still together..."" ""Who?"" Said a curious bastard. ""My buttcheeks."""

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean Beef What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mother"

"Girls who use tanning beds either have no concept of what they actually look like or have advanced fantasies about being a waffle."

"According to my neighbor's journal, I have ""boundary isues."""

"Tried to unlock my door with a banana. How am I still alive?"

"I'm pretty sure my electrician supports LGBT rights. Just the other day I heard him talking about his transister."

"I've just invented a new word. plagiarism"

"There's literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house"

"One time someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?"

"Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas? Elf and safety"