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Joke of the Day

"Do these sweatpants and 5 extra pounds make me look like I'm in a relationship?"

"My daughter just entered singing ""Love you like a love song"". So, your love has a 3 1/2 minute expiration date? Well, I guess that's honest."

"strange love! Muhammad Ali said that he loved human beings but every time he beat the shit out of every human in the ring. I guess love finds many ways to express itself."

"Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?"

"""The mood was somber plus it was a total sausage fest. The unlimited fish & loaves were a nice touch though.""-Yelp review of the Last Supper"

"If greens are the staples of a healthy diet... I'm gonna need some paperclips."

"Why did the scarecrow get a nobel peace prize? Because he was *outstanding* in his field."

"I moved to LA with nothing but the shirt on my back. No pants & I couldn't figure out how to get the shirt on my front. Soon I was jailed"

"I want to see where the indians live.... But I have my reservations."

"I graduated in zooscatology. ""BULLSHIT!"""