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Joke of the Day

"If greens are the staples of a healthy diet... I'm gonna need some paperclips."

"Is 6 celebrity impersonations too small a number for me to do on this first date? I feel like its a little low..."

"Is it alright to kiss a nun? Yeah. As long as you don't get in the habit."

"Q: Why don't women have men's brains? A: Because they don't have penises to put them in."

"Atheists certainly have a lot to say about the nothing they believe in."

"Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion? CrossFit"

"Me: So, hypothetically speaking, if we were dating would I get any free food? Her: Uh, excuse me? Me: *sigh* #1 combo with cheese, please."

"Just made a deal with the devil. I got a PS2, half a box of white wine and an autographed photo of George Bush in exchange for my Kia Soul."

"[internet] if u liked this story on cows dressed as plumbers.. [me] I did [i] here's a story on panda cops [barely containing my glee] go on"

"How do you communicate with a fish? You drop it a line!"