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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Lamar Odom and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and reuse it."

"Oh so Paris Hilton can carry a dog in her purse but if I leave my baby in a suitcase behind the chicken restaurant I'm some kind of monster."

"How do you kill 10 flies at once? Slap an African child in the face."

"I want to start a potato chip company called ""dick's."" Our motto would tell you to eat a bag of 'em."

"The ostrich may have the right idea but I hate sand in my hair."

"Did you know that Jose is an American name? It's mentioned in the very first line of the U.S. National Anthem."

"Wrote ""I wanna rock!"" on every answer to this Geology test and they made me a tenured professor with a beard and an Indiana Jones hat."

"Getting your identity stolen is a nice reminder that at least one person out there has it shittier than you & wants to trade places."

"Whenever a woman says ""how are you different from other men?"" I normally respond with ""I'm fucking hilarious."" @MaleHonesty86"

"[airport check-in] Me: I'd like to check this in Clerk: you'll have to take that on with u Me [sighing & picking baby up off counter]: fine"