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Joke of the Day

"How do you kill 10 flies at once? Slap an African child in the face."

"My weightlifting trainer told me the key is ""If it burns, it grows"" So I lit my cock on fire"

"I'm inventing a new holiday where you take back one gift you previously gave someone."

"I dated a 21 year old for 3 months before she looked up from her phone and realized I wasn't Tobey Maguire"

"What's the difference between /r/news and radical extremists? Radical extremists fuck goats while /r/news fucks themselves."

"I can't pull a rabbit out of a hat. But I can pull a hair out of my ass."

"A dad asks 4-year-old son: ""How'd you sleep last night?"" Son says: ""umm... With my eyes closed?"" Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl."

"There are no winners in life ...only survivors."

"Why are condoms transparent?"

"Knock Knock, Islam Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah who? Allah who ackbar!!!! ***BOOM***"