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Joke of the Day

"My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He's told every other person on earth and I didn't want y'all to be out of the loop."

"Stuffs sugar packets into my handbag as I leave the cafe. Sachets away."

"You said you couldn't live without me, so it's very inconsiderate of you not to be dead."

"I told Leonardo DiCaprio a joke about an Oscar He didn't get it."

"What do you call a myth from the middle east? A turban legend"

"So.. I woke my gf up with oral sex this morning -Oh wicked, what'd she say? -Thtoph, thtoph!"

"Listening to coworkers try and explain Fight Club to another coworker and all I could think was ""we really shouldn't be talking about this""."

"When using the equation Y=1-T to understand how citizens react to changes in taxation...what happens when T>1? Alot of T gets dumped in a harbor"

"Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It died."

"Why was the mushroom a hit at parties? Because he was a *fungi*"