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Joke of the Day

"You said you couldn't live without me, so it's very inconsiderate of you not to be dead."

"My roommate asked me why I'd invited a bunch of Parisian newspaper men over for breakfast. I told him I always make coffee with the French press."

"What small plant is used in war? The millitree."

"Why did Adele cross the road? To say HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE."

"From a 3yo buddy of mine (x-post from r/AntiJokes) Knock knock. Who's there? Banana with no skin."

"What do you call an Ethiopian with a dog? Stupid."

"My wife started clipping coupons to help me save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse."

"I hate being used as a thesaurus. A mate just asked another term for ""monkey dung"" and I went apeshit."

"How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

"Did you know Cecil was a black lion? And man, even in Africa, the white people **STILL** be killing tiggas."