207026

Joke of the Day

"FedEx missed me and left a note saying I can pick up my delivery, but joke's on them -- I no longer have the strength to do anything at all"

"Back in my day, you didn't even know who was calling you when your phone rang. Shit was scary."

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Unless he's a vegan then I'm pretty sure you can just get there through his pu$$y."

"Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was ""LOL"" and I was holding my statement upside down."

"So I went to the pool... I looked at the rules and the first rule was ""The pool is not a restroom"" And I just thought to myself ""No shit"""

"Brazil's congress. thats the joke, folks..."

"Hey, hot stuff. Pretty sweet vagina you got there. Maybe later, after I unload the dishwasher, we can-No? That's cool. I have stuff to read."

"Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail. Little Johnny says, ""De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."""

"How do you find Illuminati's secret hideout? You triangulate their position!"

"What do you get when you cross a dinosaur and a homosexual? A megasauranus."